Dear First Gen,

My whole life, I have not stopped to heal.

What does it mean to heal anyway?

Every choice or decision I have made in my schooling and my career was for a reason beyond my own self-interests. I excelled in school because it was necessary for my family. I put in long hours at work because I had a reputation to uphold. I sacrificed taking several days off work despite many days feeling under the weather or overly committed.

I have been going and going, like a nonstop flight, and I have not taken time to check in with myself. Maybe I need to be making time to heal.

You may be wondering what I need to #heal from.

Well, I never took time to heal from the instruments that I was prohibited from playing. Or the birthday celebrations I didn't have. The vacations I didn't take and the summer camps I didn't attend. The “normal” childhood I missed out on.

Or how about healing from being seen as someone accepted into school or offered a job under #affirmativeaction policies rather than for my own merit? Or the countless hours I spend rewriting emails in fear that I'll come off as “another incoherent person with immigrant parents”?

It can be exhausting having to defend myself if I use an accent when saying certain words, speak to my parents in their native language, or have my credentials questioned even after putting in the work to be seen as a qualified applicant.

Individually, these instances may not leave a lasting mark. But built up over decades, being continually questioned and having to prove myself, it's possible that I need some time to heal.

It is rare for me to share this publicly. I was raised to believe that there were certain things I would not be afforded, so I had to be strategic and intentional when pursuing each and every goal in my life. It was always reinforced that nothing was going to come easy for me. I was not born into any privilege, and I would always have to work for what I wanted.

When I wrote my first blog post, I started to heal from the various #unapologetically first-gen moments I have lived. How? Other people reached out to me to let me know they went through the same things, or would share their own story with me.

After I posted “Hard Knock Life of a First Gen,” my cousin who is in high school told me that his mom took him out of trumpet class to focus on science. We spoke to my aunt about how it made him feel and she said that he can take trumpet lessons when he is older.

It is possible that it's too late for this cycle to be broken, but my cousin did not harbor any ill feelings about his mother's decision. Just like me, he understood the bigger picture that all first gens learned at a very early age.

Our families came to the United States to achieve The American Dream. But often, this constant reminder can be hard to swallow and doesn't give us the time we may need to heal those wounds of what might have been in our childhoods.

As an adult, I have been reminded of the importance of healing. Now, I make it a priority to find space and time to heal because it has helped me to recognize why I may act a certain way when something is withheld from me or when I feel “robbed” of certain moments.

For me, healing was and is necessary. I just wish I'd learned that sooner in life.

Tell me: Have you made time to heal? If so, how do you heal?

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande



***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​​​​

Dear First Gen,

​When I think about my journey, I am reminded that I did not arrive where I am today on my own. There were a few amazing advisors and mentors that guided me along the way. They offered me good advice that I share with my interns and others I believe would benefit from the information.

But it wasn't always easy to find a good mentor, either. There were instances when I sought someone to be my advisor/mentor and it yielded great results. Other times, I had to kindly distance myself from people because I no longer saw a benefit to our relationship.

When I was a student, my assigned career advisors served me well. I remain connected with a couple of them to this day. But there were several times I decided to venture out and speak to the head advisor.

In college, I attempted to meet with different advisors because they rotated in and out of the positions. I needed to meet with several of them so they would know my needs and be able to assist me when someone else was not available. In this case, I couldn't have a “regular” advisor.

I made it a point to meet with the Dean of the Career Development Office in undergrad because this individual was consistent and possessed invaluable information, like access to off-campus positions I needed for my field placement courses.

In law school, I scheduled advising appointments with the Dean of the Career Development Office as well. He had expertise about positions I was seeking and told me about the school’s reciprocity policy, which I used even after I graduated. My meetings with him were always helpful and I usually went to him even after I had met with the other advisors if they were unable to help me in the way I was looking for.

Whether I wanted to know how to work in a judge’s chamber or for a non-profit, locally or in my home state, my initial meeting with an advisor often clued me in how our working relationship would work. I became a good judge of not only who would be accepting of my numerous questions, but also who would give me a thorough explanation. I was looking for specific and actionable advice on the process or strategies to improve my chances of getting an internship or securing a job.

The common thread among each advisor I encountered was their willingness to help upon seeing that I was eager to be guided. They understood that I would not stop seeking their help until I obtained the results I was looking for. I sometimes learned after the fact that they talked with one another to find a different approach for helping me reach my goal.

Over the past 10 years, I have identified a key characteristic I look for in an effective mentor: their openness to serve as a mentor.

Dear First Gen,

When you decide to go to #lawschool, there are a lot of expectations. You’re obviously expected to excel in law school, but you are also expected to obtain internships and, ultimately, a job.

Securing an #internship is vital to your professional success, and of course so is getting that job after graduation. To make the most of your meetings with your #careercounselor, you should have your list of questions ready in advance.

The following set of questions is a good starting point.
​

1. Who is invited to participate in on-campus interviews (#OCIs)?
2. How do I get considered for a government attorney position?
3. When are regional and state career fairs held?
4. What is the application process to intern with a judge or become a #lawclerk?
5. Are there any alumni in my preferred geographic location?
6. Which law professors do you recommend I speak to who graduated from a specific state or practiced in an area of my interest (i.e. criminal law, legislation, contracts)?
7. Does the law school have a #reciprocity policy?

My hope for you is that your career counselor will provide you all the details you need to help you find the internships and job opportunities that are the best fits for you. If a career counselor seems unsure of what you're asking or doesn't seem to be a good fit, don't be afraid to make an appointment to speak to another career counselor or the head of the career office. Good luck!

Dear First Gen,

​(This is a chapter from the book, "The Rise of a First Gen".)

For many years, I could not forgive them. I was too upset with them for what they did.

It began in 3rd grade when I was introduced to the violin. I had violin classes during my math class and I loved it.

I learned how to play the strings and reveled at the music I was playing. I was given my own violin to take home and practice when I had free time.

My enjoyment turned to sadness when my math teacher told my parents that my grades were slipping. They told me we did not come to America for a low academic performance.

My parents did not have a conversation with me or give me a chance to improve. I was simply removed from violin class and my violin was returned to the music store.

No longer could I learn the melodies that brought a smile to my face. No longer could I develop the skills to play a musical instrument.

Dear First Gen,

​I graduated from Hofstra University School of Law in 2012. In a previous blog post, Four Years Ago, I shared how I almost stopped after my first year of law school (1L). For those students who finished their second (2L) or third and final year (3L), here are some things I wish I had done, and others I am happy I did do:

• I wish I had used more resources like study guides and outlines for Civil Procedure, Contracts, and Real Property. It would have been part of my weekly or monthly routine. (Note: This can get costly.)

 

• I wish I had met with my professors on a regular basis, like my peers who came from families with attorneys did. My peers often practiced study questions and took their responses to discuss them with their professors. Not every teacher gives a midterm exam or practice questions, but they will walk through problems with a student to increase their understanding of a concept. This is a way to get a glimpse of how the professor grades their exams. (I especially advise this for students who have new professors because they do not have old exams for a student to review or practice with before an exam.)

 

• I wish I had reduced the length of my notes on a weekly basis because it is difficult to do toward the end when you think everything is important. This means a dual benefit for students: There will then be fewer notes to study from, and paring those notes down will reinforce the concepts and ideas you have learned. Even though you are shortening the notes, you should have a master list to refer back to in order to refresh your memory if you forget something. 

 

• I wish I had held fewer big study groups and done more small study groups instead. Two or three people in a study group is ideal because you can share your analysis of the practice problems or fact patterns/cases discussed in class, but isn't overwhelming with too many people offering their opinions. The conversations allow for different analyses to be shared and a more engaging study of the concepts. There would also be on-the-spot rebuttals of arguments so that you can have counterarguments if they are asked on an exam. 

 

• I am glad that I took advantage of career events and workshops to get to know the different paths I could take and have a contact if I had additional questions down the road. I was not aware of all the various practice areas and nontraditional opportunities for a student, so attending the events was helpful. This is also beneficial because the more people who know about your interests, the higher the likelihood of being contacted by them in the future if and when an opportunity arises. 

 

• I was happy that I pursued career opportunities that matched my interests rather than only pursuing the typical opportunities. This allowed me to enjoy and value each internship and externship.

 

• I would mention that I fully benefited from the law school reciprocity policy because I obtained my first job out of law school because of this system, and have been on many interviews since then because of it. I did not feel at a disadvantage because I attended a school out of state.

 
Good luck to all my #futurelawyers!

Fellow Riser, 

​Irnande

***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​​​

Dear First Gen,

There is lots of reading in college and continues to be even more voluminous in graduate school.

​The final year of college was an interesting time for me. I was a pre-med student, but I was not headed to medical school. I suddenly found myself wondering, “Where do I go? What do I do now? Should I find a job or attend a graduate program?”

During winter break, I began to map out my next steps. I spoke with my mother about my options since I was not going to be a medical student the following year. She could not give me an answer during our conversation, but reassured me that an opportunity would present itself.

I was unaware at that time that she planned to do some research on my behalf, and she later shared what she found. She came across several master’s programs that created a path to help me enter medical school, as well as several policy programs. She assisted in the only way she knew to help relieve my feelings of despair.

After I reviewed the list of programs she had found, I applied to several and visited their campuses during orientation. I sat down with my mother again and told her about my likes and dislikes for each of the programs. She primarily liked Georgetown University’s M.S. in Biomedical Policy & Advocacy Program because it was close to home, while I liked the courses and the fact that it was a one-year program. This program matched my interests in policy and the sciences.

I was impressed that my mother picked this program, and proud of her for having listened to me for several years and researching programs that would enhance my qualifications and pique my intellectual curiosity.

Prior to graduating from college in 2007, I received an acceptance letter for the Georgetown program and was beyond ecstatic. This was the bridge I needed to connect me to public policy while enhancing my passion for the sciences.

During the program, I developed my writing skills for a non-scientific community, deepened my understanding of communications of emergency situations and emerging public health issues, and learned how science could revitalize the U.S. economy.

When I was at that crossroads my senior year, my parents did not know how to advise me. But my mother knew she had a resource…the internet! She sat at the home computer until she found results that might work as a “filler” before I went on to medical school. My plans for medical school ultimately changed, but my graduate education was a springboard for the doctorate program I chose.

In graduate school, I learned two main lessons:

1. You can connect to the next phase in your life or transition into a new industry by studying history, terminology, and trends. I made sure to look into new perspectives on existing knowledge and explored new information on the industry I plan to join.
2. It's important to build the necessary networks to obtain a job in the field. I did this by shadowing professionals, securing internships, and attending workshops and events. I also enrolled in courses where adjunct professors worked in the field, and engaged with classmates that sought the same path so we could exchange information.

These steps helped me to interact with my peers who were uncertain about the opportunities beyond an undergraduate education by linking up with professionals that sought to help us rise up or provide insight on how we could maximize our master’s degree to enter different positions.

Tell me: Which program are you considering and why haven’t you said yes?

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande


***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​​​

Dear First Gen, 

April 9-15 is #NationalLibraryWeek! (Thank you Extra-Ordinary Birthdays for telling me.) I am an avid reader, and believe it is key for first-generation professionals seeking to increase their vocabulary, improve their writing skills and feel confident during conversations. Also, when I read different book genres and then share the stories with my family members, it exposes them to new phrases and words that they may use in their own work or social environments. Everyone benefits!  

"I have always imagined paradise as a kind of library." - Jorge Luis Borges

The theme for the week is "Libraries Transform" and the suggested books by @lupita.reads certainly meets the challenge. This is her message to you! 

                                                                                     ---

Irnande recently asked me to list the top five books that I am looking forward to reading in 2017. First I need to add that the book world (authors and publishing companies) has been killing it lately with some amazing books. It seems to me that every year brings about a set of new books that must be added to bookshelves everywhere. Here is my small list that was no small feat to compile: 

Dear First Gens,

Several #collegeapplications were due last month and the next steps in the college admissions process is underway. You may be going on interviews, college visits, or speaking to alumni, but you should also consider the advantages and disadvantages of attending a school where you live or away from home before "signing day". Is your unique obligation as a first gen telling you to stay home? Or is your unique identity pushing you to go away? Given that I come from a close family and receive great support by living close to them, this was a tough decision for me to make when I was in your shoes.

On March 13, 2017, at 3:00 p.m., I will be participating in a joint #webinar with a fellow first gen who possesses a Ph.D. and specifically coaches first-generation college students. The topic of conversation is "The Pros and Cons of Attending an In-State College vs. an Out-of-State College".

You can join by clicking the bar above!!! We will be sharing information on the student experience of attending a school nearby or away from home.

I was introduced to Dr. Eve via Instagram and have been inspired by her words of wisdom over the past several months. Last month, on my birthday, she published a post on her blog entitled, "The Decision".

Hello, #Decision:

I finally figured out what I was
Going to do today
I’m not sure if you’ll like it but
I know you’ll be okay
I did it for me
I did it for you
I did it for us
It wasn’t easy but
I did it

See, choosing which way to go
Wasn’t easy and I know we
Talked over this thing a thousand times
On some days I almost Iost my mind
But we both know
I tried to avoid doing anything for
As long as possible because
I didn't want to have to decide
Not this way
Not like this
At least not now

You should be proud of me though
No more going back and forth
No more wondering
No more long and sleepless nights
Of course I’ve had some doubts
But I know that this is right

We’ve stayed at this crossroad
Much longer than I imagined we would
But with clarity I know which way to go
I trust myself
So I am going to be on my way and
Journey on down this road

#Perspective:
Life is filled with decisions. Some may be harder than others; however, you have to be patient and trust yourself. At times, your choices may lead you to new and unfamiliar roads, but this doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice—you just have to adjust your sail and go with the flow—be open to something new. As all of life is a process, you are in constant stats of living and learning. At the end of the day, no matter what, the most important thing is that you do what’s best for you.

Be Inspired,
Dr. Eve
​The Purpose Professor

Click on the link to visit her website and read other posts.

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande

***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​

Dear First Gen, 

On December 21, @DeltaProtectiveServices posted a video to Facebook of their interview with @Simon Sinek, who presented on the challenge of working with millennials. After watching this video, I posted three reasons I didn't think it fully described first-generation professionals.

I will elaborate on my facebook post that addressed Sinek's comment on the first factor that describes Millennials. Sinek defines millennials as individuals born in 1985 and up, and says that they are difficult to manage at work, act entitled, are self-interested, lazy, and unfocused. Yet he also points out that they are motivated by wanting to work for purpose or make an impact. 

He credits "failed parenting strategies" for millennials being challenging to work with. 

Statement: "Told special, all the time".
Response: We are bred to believe we are special but not in the manner to make us feel entitled (or an amazing gift to the world). Our parents tell us that we have the tools and knowledge to learn and develop into the adults that will allow us to accomplish and reach our dreams. We are elevated to believe that we have the capability to succeed so long as we are determined and make an effort. 

Statement: "Can have anything they want in life, just because they want it."
Response: We did not grow up being told we could have anything we wanted because we wanted it. Many #firstgens wanted the basic necessities and wished for them. We were happy to have them. There are first-generation Americans that may have wanted their own room, toys or gadgets, or new clothes rather than hand me downs or sewed. 

Statement: "Some got into honors classes not because deserved it, but because the parents complained. Some got A's not because they earned it, but because the teachers did not want to deal with the parents."
Response: We received or earned our grades and did not have parents with clout to switch them. Our #parents generally trusted the teachers and worked with them to improve our grades. We were nervous to receive any bad reports from teachers because our parents did not think the teachers would mislead them about their child's education or progress so we were diligent with our studies. 

Statement: "Some got medals for participation, not for winning. They received it because it would make them feel embarrassed and did not want them to feel worse." 
Response: We did not get a pat on the back or a high-five unless it was complete and total win. Second place winners were rarely congratulated or even spoken of in the home. Feeling bad about a loss was not allowed, and we did not get time to mope. Rather we had to jump back in and work hard for the next victory. 

He also attributes "environment and surroundings" as a reason for difficulty interacting with millennials at work. ​