Dear First Gen,

Happy New Year! #NewYearNewMe

What worked well for you in 2017? Are you continuing with it in 2018? In the video, I share three character traits I believe helped to elevate me last year and one #weakness I plan to eliminate because it limited my rise.

Tell me: What three characteristics helped you to shine? What characteristic held you back from progress?

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande

Dear First Gen,

My whole life, I have not stopped to heal.

What does it mean to heal anyway?

Every choice or decision I have made in my schooling and my career was for a reason beyond my own self-interests. I excelled in school because it was necessary for my family. I put in long hours at work because I had a reputation to uphold. I sacrificed taking several days off work despite many days feeling under the weather or overly committed.

I have been going and going, like a nonstop flight, and I have not taken time to check in with myself. Maybe I need to be making time to heal.

You may be wondering what I need to #heal from.

Well, I never took time to heal from the instruments that I was prohibited from playing. Or the birthday celebrations I didn't have. The vacations I didn't take and the summer camps I didn't attend. The “normal” childhood I missed out on.

Or how about healing from being seen as someone accepted into school or offered a job under #affirmativeaction policies rather than for my own merit? Or the countless hours I spend rewriting emails in fear that I'll come off as “another incoherent person with immigrant parents”?

It can be exhausting having to defend myself if I use an accent when saying certain words, speak to my parents in their native language, or have my credentials questioned even after putting in the work to be seen as a qualified applicant.

Individually, these instances may not leave a lasting mark. But built up over decades, being continually questioned and having to prove myself, it's possible that I need some time to heal.

It is rare for me to share this publicly. I was raised to believe that there were certain things I would not be afforded, so I had to be strategic and intentional when pursuing each and every goal in my life. It was always reinforced that nothing was going to come easy for me. I was not born into any privilege, and I would always have to work for what I wanted.

When I wrote my first blog post, I started to heal from the various #unapologetically first-gen moments I have lived. How? Other people reached out to me to let me know they went through the same things, or would share their own story with me.

After I posted “Hard Knock Life of a First Gen,” my cousin who is in high school told me that his mom took him out of trumpet class to focus on science. We spoke to my aunt about how it made him feel and she said that he can take trumpet lessons when he is older.

It is possible that it's too late for this cycle to be broken, but my cousin did not harbor any ill feelings about his mother's decision. Just like me, he understood the bigger picture that all first gens learned at a very early age.

Our families came to the United States to achieve The American Dream. But often, this constant reminder can be hard to swallow and doesn't give us the time we may need to heal those wounds of what might have been in our childhoods.

As an adult, I have been reminded of the importance of healing. Now, I make it a priority to find space and time to heal because it has helped me to recognize why I may act a certain way when something is withheld from me or when I feel “robbed” of certain moments.

For me, healing was and is necessary. I just wish I'd learned that sooner in life.

Tell me: Have you made time to heal? If so, how do you heal?

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande



***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​​​​

Dear First Gen,

​I graduated from Hofstra University School of Law in 2012. In a previous blog post, Four Years Ago, I shared how I almost stopped after my first year of law school (1L). For those students who finished their second (2L) or third and final year (3L), here are some things I wish I had done, and others I am happy I did do:

• I wish I had used more resources like study guides and outlines for Civil Procedure, Contracts, and Real Property. It would have been part of my weekly or monthly routine. (Note: This can get costly.)

 

• I wish I had met with my professors on a regular basis, like my peers who came from families with attorneys did. My peers often practiced study questions and took their responses to discuss them with their professors. Not every teacher gives a midterm exam or practice questions, but they will walk through problems with a student to increase their understanding of a concept. This is a way to get a glimpse of how the professor grades their exams. (I especially advise this for students who have new professors because they do not have old exams for a student to review or practice with before an exam.)

 

• I wish I had reduced the length of my notes on a weekly basis because it is difficult to do toward the end when you think everything is important. This means a dual benefit for students: There will then be fewer notes to study from, and paring those notes down will reinforce the concepts and ideas you have learned. Even though you are shortening the notes, you should have a master list to refer back to in order to refresh your memory if you forget something. 

 

• I wish I had held fewer big study groups and done more small study groups instead. Two or three people in a study group is ideal because you can share your analysis of the practice problems or fact patterns/cases discussed in class, but isn't overwhelming with too many people offering their opinions. The conversations allow for different analyses to be shared and a more engaging study of the concepts. There would also be on-the-spot rebuttals of arguments so that you can have counterarguments if they are asked on an exam. 

 

• I am glad that I took advantage of career events and workshops to get to know the different paths I could take and have a contact if I had additional questions down the road. I was not aware of all the various practice areas and nontraditional opportunities for a student, so attending the events was helpful. This is also beneficial because the more people who know about your interests, the higher the likelihood of being contacted by them in the future if and when an opportunity arises. 

 

• I was happy that I pursued career opportunities that matched my interests rather than only pursuing the typical opportunities. This allowed me to enjoy and value each internship and externship.

 

• I would mention that I fully benefited from the law school reciprocity policy because I obtained my first job out of law school because of this system, and have been on many interviews since then because of it. I did not feel at a disadvantage because I attended a school out of state.

 
Good luck to all my #futurelawyers!

Fellow Riser, 

​Irnande

***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​​​

Dear First Gens,

Several #collegeapplications were due last month and the next steps in the college admissions process is underway. You may be going on interviews, college visits, or speaking to alumni, but you should also consider the advantages and disadvantages of attending a school where you live or away from home before "signing day". Is your unique obligation as a first gen telling you to stay home? Or is your unique identity pushing you to go away? Given that I come from a close family and receive great support by living close to them, this was a tough decision for me to make when I was in your shoes.

On March 13, 2017, at 3:00 p.m., I will be participating in a joint #webinar with a fellow first gen who possesses a Ph.D. and specifically coaches first-generation college students. The topic of conversation is "The Pros and Cons of Attending an In-State College vs. an Out-of-State College".

You can join by clicking the bar above!!! We will be sharing information on the student experience of attending a school nearby or away from home.

I was introduced to Dr. Eve via Instagram and have been inspired by her words of wisdom over the past several months. Last month, on my birthday, she published a post on her blog entitled, "The Decision".

Hello, #Decision:

I finally figured out what I was
Going to do today
I’m not sure if you’ll like it but
I know you’ll be okay
I did it for me
I did it for you
I did it for us
It wasn’t easy but
I did it

See, choosing which way to go
Wasn’t easy and I know we
Talked over this thing a thousand times
On some days I almost Iost my mind
But we both know
I tried to avoid doing anything for
As long as possible because
I didn't want to have to decide
Not this way
Not like this
At least not now

You should be proud of me though
No more going back and forth
No more wondering
No more long and sleepless nights
Of course I’ve had some doubts
But I know that this is right

We’ve stayed at this crossroad
Much longer than I imagined we would
But with clarity I know which way to go
I trust myself
So I am going to be on my way and
Journey on down this road

#Perspective:
Life is filled with decisions. Some may be harder than others; however, you have to be patient and trust yourself. At times, your choices may lead you to new and unfamiliar roads, but this doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice—you just have to adjust your sail and go with the flow—be open to something new. As all of life is a process, you are in constant stats of living and learning. At the end of the day, no matter what, the most important thing is that you do what’s best for you.

Be Inspired,
Dr. Eve
​The Purpose Professor

Click on the link to visit her website and read other posts.

Fellow Riser,

​Irnande

***Disclaimer: 2017. All rights reserved. All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. No reproduction of any content on the website without the express permission of the author. The text, pictures and videos are the sole property of FirstGenRise. ​

Dear First Gen,

When we were growing up, my brother and I were reminded consistently that we were expected to perform extremely well in class. One of my friends told me a story of her upbringing that may be familiar to you. When she came home from school and showed her parents her good grades, they would ask, "Did another student receive a better grade than you?" If she said yes, the next question would be, "Why are you not at the top of the class?" My friend is brilliant and skillful! But in her parents eyes, being second, third, or fourth in a huge graduating class was just not “good enough.”

Immigrant parents often have very high expectations for their children, and as First Gens, we work overtime to meet or exceed them. But there is more to it than having the desire...there are situations that sometimes derail us. It is commonly unacceptable among foreigners to acknowledge feelings of guilt, insecurity, and doubt; rather it is expected that you will overcome them and never discuss the difficulties you faced. I can attest that there is a positive side to being raised to always find solutions to each "surface" problem, but what about the inner problems?

Tell me: How have you coped with your emotions when feeling depressed or pressured?